What Do Children Think When Their Parents Divorce?

Divorce is rarely easy for any party involved. Children are no exception.  Children of divorcing parents often have difficulty during these tumultuous times. The psychological effects of divorce on children has long been a topic of discussion among parents and psychologists alike. We know that while divorce can be stressful for all children, some manage it better than others. Just as every adult is different, every child has a different skill set when it comes to dealing with stressful situations. Furthermore, each family is different in how the process plays out for the children. While divorce can create uncertainty for the entire family, children can be confused, frustrated, or frightened during this time because of their lack of maturity.

The age and developmental stage of children of divorced parents directly impacts the way they will handle the situation. Younger children are often confused about why they have to go between two residences and worry that their parents may stop loving them since they stopped loving each other. Children of grade school age typically worry that they somehow caused the divorce and think about whether they did something wrong. Teens react with anger over the changes that a divorce creates, and they may take sides or feel the need to protect one parent. Whatever the case, the children of divorced parents need to be assured that while many things are changing, those changes are not their fault. Most important, both Mom and Dad, no matter what, will never change in their love for their children.

One incredibly important way to make divorce less stressful for everyone involved is to limit the hostility in the process. Usually, people don’t come to a divorce from a loving place, so figuring out how to limit the impact of mom's and dad’s stress and anger on the children is key. Mediation is a great way to achieve agreeable results when couples are looking to separate—especially if there are children involved. In mediation, you and your spouse can work out agreements over finances, taxes, property, and custody of your children. It is undisputed that achieving a divorce through mediation can put less stress on the entire family compared to traditional court proceedings. That means that children of divorcing parents will likely experience less trauma during the process. Mediation can be a great way to settle something incredibly unpleasant and can result in agreeable outcomes for all.

If you have questions about mediation, contact Vener Family Law and Mediation. Our goal is to provide diligent representation while preserving dignity and limiting harm.